emptyhaven

____________________________________
I hope to earn around $20 a month one day to get a site hosted in Yahoo! so I can start that webcomic.... I need to get a job!

T_T
This world will one day kill me...

So I thought I'd empty out the old caboose, because what's a couple of extra luggage in the trunk? Heavy. That's what. It's a shame though. I don't think my fingers can keep up with my brain because my mind is literally going zing zing zing like twice the speed of light or something. Dang... I'm skipping punctuations already. Anyway. Wait I lost it... The thought of Vanilla ice cream suddenly just entered my head. Then Questionable Content slipped in undetected. Marten envies me so. I mean he has this cache of cute chicks. And like two out of the whole lot are into him. Then again, how do I know some chick isn't into me. But that's the whole thing. A guy can't really express his suspicions out loud. It's like shouting to the duck, "Hey! I've got a shotgun and, damnit, Imma gonna shoot because I know one of you is gonna fly towards me" or something like that. I don't know what I'm talking anymore and I'm not even drunk. Damn. The last time I got drunk was last weekend. I vaguely remember flashing lights, a lot of empty shot glasses that used to be filled with drinks in assorted colors and flavors, and dancing on the dance floor with some girls and, at one time (or twice, I forget), a guy. Then my face was all red and I was pissing a lot. My face gets all red when I'm drunk. I swear, five more shots and I would have been so red I could replace a bulb in a dark room. My bladder is a friking pussy. I'll admit, my tolerance for alcohol isn't that strong, but I can keep my presence of mind and talk in straight sentences, though I might not make sense. It sorta helps that I have two people in my head. One can do the getting drunk while the other can do the walking and talking. I still have the rose from that party. I find it weird. It's no big deal or whatever. I just found it weird I kept a flower from that party and kept it in a box and whatever. It was a fun party anyway. Yeap. I got home so wasted though. After a while, my inebriety caught up with my other self. Next thing I knew, I was in my room at three in the morning talking to myself, Jack Sparrow, some french dude, and my other self vaguely about quantum physics, time travel, my pants, and unicorns. I was waving my finger around trying to deliver my point. I fell twice in case you were wondering, though I do hope you weren't. And It isn't my fist time getting all wasted and stuff. I'm not that much of a party person, that's all. I haven't had enough drinks under my belt to gain a Bladder of Steel. I just don't party a lot. It's not that I don;t want to. I just don't get invited to a lot. Is this why I've been reading pictures for sad children? Maybe. I'm just slowly wasting away. I'm whittling away my own existence with the knife labelled, "Fuck you". I mean, my idea for an after-college plan is going out into the world. I'll try to see how far away towards the other end of the world I can get. That's my idea of fun. I'm a sad, disillusioned emo kid. I mean, I post crappy love-themed poetry and whiny entries on a Livejournal account (no offense, guys, but emo kids do choose Livejournal more often than other websites. I should know. I'm an emo kid). That got me thinking though. What's up with stereotypes? Ok, stupid question, I know, and now that I have identified it as such I will steer away from that now. I want pizza. I want to eat, seriously. Weird thing... but first! a backstory: I eat a lot when I'm under stress or when I'm really depressed. Ok, weird thing: I don't get cravings anymore like I'm not stressed or super depressed, yet I still eat a lot. So I'm eating a lot without the "wanting to eat" part ,but then (and here's the weird part) I still get hungry every few hours or something. Like there's nothing in my stomach anymore. I don't get it. I'm eating a lot, but I don't have cravings or the compulsion to binge on food because I don't feel depressed, yet even though I'm eating a lot I still get hungry after every few hours or so... I'm really confused. I 'm really hungry too. I could go for a steak, and a strawberry shortcake for dessert. A glass of red wine to go with the steak, and a nice clear champagne for dessert. Then I'd leave wherever I was and go get wasted in some bar or something alone. Hunh... Being alone isn't much of a big deal. I mean, I do long for another pair of lips I can kiss every so often. But I'm okay with the loneliness every so often too. I got used to it as a kid in grade school. It sucked. I had a group of friends, but I must've been one shitty friend for them to invite me only twice to go along in their gaming sessions. So a lot, if not all, of my weekends were spent reading encyclopedias. They were my friends and I was a lonely child. It does come with perks though. I do have this store of near useless trivia. They do prove their worth eventually like in contests, conversations or as an ice breaker in social gatherings... parties. Whatever.
.............................
Took a piss. I passed by the mirror and damn... I need to have a haircut. I might get it shortened a bit. or shorter. While having long hair is fashionable these days, it just isn't practical in tropical countries anymore. maybe when the global warming lets off for a few years. It's just, I look better with longer hair. I need hair long enough but not too long that it acts like an insulator frying my brain in the process. Ok. Less long unkempt without crossing dorkwad hairstyle... I'm. Running. Out of. Words. My brain is just about empty. Before I leave I would just like to post a link to pictures for sad children. Enjoy... <click here>

Questionable Content, Pictures for sad children, and xkcd had this for a while now. They finally unleash their attack upon my geek psyche.

To: Anyone who reads this
I wanna start a webcomic... If anyone knows how I can start or how I can get a site or whatever, please tell me.. Pleeease. :D

I do hope someone reads this.

To whom it most sincerely concerns,


I have, without the least bit of surprise, finally deduced that this half year was as shitty as a cow field after lunch. Indubitably, one may make the correct assumption that this means I've failed, yet again, a subject of mine. While this is not bad in the - What am I saying. Of course it is bad; in the long-run, the short-run, and every-other-distance-run-henceforth. This is bad. Terribly so that I feel mustering the happiest memories of these dismal six months won't even be enough to completely overshadow its dark cloud. Not enough happiness fills this empty cup to quench the thirst for it.

Regardless, I will now turn over a new leaf. Now, I know you naysayers out there are preparing pitchforks and torches. Fuck you. I'm doing it now and none can come and stop me. I'm going to be a better man. I hope this time for good.

Let it be known, that tonight, the 25th of October, I, a man yet to become so, will become a better man, and will stay so, when it strikes 12 on the Year of the Lord, 2010. Let my waking thought at dawn be to make a better day and my final thought at twilight, to make a better tomorrow.

I know I sound like such a prick and truly ostentatious, but believe, I have enough sincerity to last me this year.

Yes. I too pray for my soul sometimes.

Yes. I too am afraid.

Yes. I am.


Regards,
A Gentleman (of sorts)

Blue Birds

Twitter
has
inadvertently become
my
pseudo-blog.
Can't help
typing
in short
phrases.
Can't help
but type
in
140
characters
or less.
Or less.

Just thinking...

You remember the stories of the two broken loves I had that I told you?

No? Let me remind you:

2nd grade:
We crushed on each other. Sent each other letters of affection. Then one day she tells me she likes someone else more. I'm unsure what too feel. I'm too young. End.

4th year HS:
We "loved" each other. We texted each other. A completely long-distance relationship. Then one day I find out she's the girlfriend of my best friend. I'm hurt but I would be lying if I said I didn't see it coming. End.

A few months ago:
I decided to let my heart finally open up. We loved each other. I'm not sure anymore. Then one day I find out she loves her best friend more. I'm hurt. End

There's a damn pattern... Why do I always get myself into these situations? And yet I find myself still loving you. Not in the same ways I loved you before. My heart cannot love you anymore like that. It cannot happen anymore. But I still love you in other ways. I'm ok with it now. I'm better. But it will be long before I let myself fall in love like that again. So the next time you see me don't feel anything but happiness. Because It'll be better that way. Because I want to remember you that way.

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

Oh and I hope you like brown paper packages tied up with string. It's one of my favorite things.

"If I were to suggest that between the Earth and Mars there is a china teapot revolving about the sun in an elliptical orbit, nobody would be able to disprove my assertion provided I were careful to add that the teapot is too small to be revealed even by our most powerful telescopes. But if I were to go on to say that, since my assertion cannot be disproved, it is an intolerable presumption on the part of human reason to doubt it, I should rightly be thought to be talking nonsense. If, however, the existence of such a teapot were affirmed in ancient books, taught as the sacred truth every Sunday, and instilled into the minds of children at school, hesitation to believe in its existence would become a mark of eccentricity and entitle the doubter to the attentions of the psychiatrist in an enlightened age or of the Inquisitor in an earlier time."

                                                                                                                                                                                                 - Bertrand Russell







__________
I think I'll stick to being a Christian, thanks...

Funny, I was just thinking about you.

Walking under the searing heat
under Apollo's radiance
beneath his flaming sword
beating me down
causing me to bleed out
salty drops of sweat
from my forehead.
The arduous journey
would not be for naught.
At least I didn't know that yet.

What a fortuitous meeting this is.
That I should meet you here.
And though the heat
continues to burn my eyes
your mere presence
freezes my tongue
and stills my mind.
I don't move
drawn to you
like this planet we live on
to the sun.
Always around
but never together
afraid to collide
and explode.

Boom.

I inadvertently spent the day with you.
Didn't get to say much
but I looked
and you looked
and we both smiled.
That right there
made the day
not a total waste
after all.

You don't know this.
I went back the day after
to continue the business I had
not finished the day before.
The whole day
I was looking for you.
You weren't there.
So I was bummed out.
I wanted to wait
and wait for hours
until I saw you pass by
but I knew that
you weren't going to be there.
I was maybe hoping
just to catch a glimpse of you.

It's funny how some things turn out.
I wasn't expecting you but you appeared.
I was looking for you but you never appeared.
How the Wheel of Fortune turns.
The weight of my wishes sink the wheel
making the opposite come true.

Dear Messieurs and Madames,

                          The likes of you bore me to death that I'd rather be dead than sit through this balderdash. It is unbelievably preposterous how all of you live your lives like this, in total and utter stupidity. Also, I cannot understand why you expect so much out of this world and ask so much from others when you can do it yourselves. Honestly, standing up once in a while and doing things on your own will do you good in the long run. For instance, your asses won't be as large. I would also like to add that your incessant chatter is the stuff that drives even the sanest of men up walls. I, regrettably, am one of them up this wall. And I will not come down until I hear the sound of silence, which may only come when I turn deaf or when all of you die. I have no time for either of this so I really would prefer it if you all changed yourselves. For the good of all mankind. And my general health and well-being. I know that all of you are not bad people. I can sometimes find myself laughing along with you or joining you in conversation over a nice meal. We can all be civil. I admit that even I find myself falling out of bounds every now and then, but still. We can all be civil.

                         I thank you for your expected unquestioning understanding.

Regards,
A Gentleman (of sorts)

______________________________

I got bored so I created a fictional character and made him write a seemingly polite letter to a bunch of teenagers he is annoyed with. From what I see, I created someone who sounds conceited and he also sounds as if he prefers the company of himself than with others. The letter itself wasn't hard to write. All I had to do was pretend he was writing to a couple of people I wasn't really fond of. So... yeah.

Gah!
Sinapian ng kaluluwan ni Berto Badtrip... oooh!

Di na nga sapat na bumagsak ako.
Di na nga tama na na sobrang 'ala ako sa mood.
Pero pagusapan pa ang masakit na katotohanan?
Aray.
Ok lang naman. Naiintindihan ko na kailangan pagusapan.
Pero hindi sana ngayon. Ngayon na masakit parin.
Ngayon na nararamdaman parin ang asim ng mga sugat kong bukas.

Oooh....
Buhay talaga.

Kaya para walang badtrip...

magababasa nalang ako ng Kiko Machine Komix (blg. 5)...
Haay buhay....

___________________

Di ako masamang damo.
Ako'y badtrip na damo.
                       - Berto Badtrip

Manix Abrera... makikilala rin kita.
 

You Are Intelligent and Contemplative

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life. You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone. Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row. You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace. People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality. You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself. You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want. You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way! You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

Online "Personality Test" thing. Really simple. All you have to do is type out your name and voila! I was actually surprised to read this. I think it's a fairly accurate description of me. The most accurate compared to other tests I took before, at least. If you have any objections to that, just tell me. Then I'll tell you what I think

(click to view)

The images are uploaded smaller than they really are. I'm currently thinking of getting a Photobucket account so I can upload there and then insert the image from there to here. That way the image size won't be as bad as it is now... Keyword there is thinking. I'll get to it eventually.
(background art from http://www.box7box.com/tinygrow.html)

I spend a lot of time going through random websites...

That should explain why I've been posting links recently.

This one is editing to the highest level!

CLICK HERE

Spliced and diced
Remixed and fixed
to the sound of every genre
from classical to electronica
it's historical
phenomenal
astronomical
out of this world videos
from videos
of videos
by amateurs and pros
gangsta's and- oh...
just click it.

kill me... its better than the alternative...

















I am a failure
The shame of my family
The black sheep
I can hear the often repeated words
And then I can feel my soul turn numb
and slowly die
I failed
I tried and failed
I didn't do my best
so I failed
I am a failure

_____________________

Dreams
by TV on the Radio

All your dreams are over now
And all your wings have fallen down
Oh all your dreams are over now
And all your wings have fallen down
She's just like you
So why keep doing what you do
Why cut a friend
Why cruise that mean lean to an end
You could have heel toed
To another place
You could have peeled slow
To a better face

But your heart can't grieve
For your little dreams
Oh no your heart can't grieve
Not for your little dreams

All your dreams are over now
And all your wings have fallen down
All your dreams are over now
And all your wings have fallen down

Broke trust in two
Now no one's looking out for you
Why keep it cruel
Why waste so much to play the fool

And maybe I'm the fool but I think we'd find
That we could all be so so kind
If you'd just leave your tread mill powertrip behind
Oh leave your treadmill powertrip behind
And maybe it's best that you're so so blind
It's best that your so so blind
Because your heart can't grieve
I know your heart can't grieve

I know your heart can't grieve
What your eyes won't see
But you were my favorite moment
Of our dead century

I know your heart can't grieve
What your eyes won't see
But you were my favorite moment
Of our dead century

But all your dreams are over now
And all your wings have fallen down
Oh all your dreams are over now
And all your wings have fallen down

Oh warfarin' terrapin
Unconfined undesigned
Undersigned bantering
Bartering bellowing
Barracking blundering
Pillaging plundering
Living and lavishing
Hammerings harrowing
Flourishing flattening
Levelling reveling
Wrecking and ravaging
Savoring savaging

Oh warfarrin terrapin
Unconfined undesigned
You've got me worried and wondering

All your dreams are over now
And all your wings have fallen down
All your dreams are over now
 

Ask me the question you're afraid to ask I'll tell you the answer I'm afraid to say.

I start to write these lines but for days now I haven't been able to continue them. I can't write lately, what with the stress and the lack of sleep.
Deedadee deedadeedadeedadee deedadeedum dee.
Radom song lyrics enter my head. Music's been playing for hours...
Say by The Corrs, Sheik of Araby by The Beatles, And So The Story Goes by Maria Montell, What I Got by Sublime, State of Confusion by The Kinks... bla bla bla. It goes on and on.
I should be studying.
I stumbled upon a website promising to cure write's block. 911 Writer's Block? Dial 1 for Settings. Dial 2 for Characters. Dial 3 for Dramatic Entrances. Dial 4 for Dialogue. Dial 5 to Commiserate. Dial 6 for Verbs. Dial 7 for Calisthenics. Dial 8 to Kill a Character. Dial 9 for Endings. Dial 0 for More Help. I press 5.
"I suspect that writer's block afflicts mainly people who have some stable and ample source of income outside of writing. So far it hasn't been a problem." --- Fred Saberhagen
I stare at it. I so do not have a stable nor an ample source of income from anywhere.
 
I start to write again.

But this time I don't finish. I never complete it. My mind remains blank. The sheer emptiness of my mind buzzes with alternative rock and electro and free jazz and soul.
TV on the Radio is playing Hurt You...

I close my eyes and let the music wash me away, pixel by pixel.
OK Calculator...

TV on the Radio. The radio is in my head. Erase it. My mind is still blank.

I see blackbirds flying in my eyelids. They peck and pick on my eyes. How do they expect me to see with these sunken eyes?

I don't, I guess.

I sleep then.

A Firefox Toolbar called Stumble Upon made me land on this site with this video. I think it's nice :D